I like watching movies, big time. If you want to hire me to do some movie reviews for you then that's cool. I'm going to start posting movie reviews here. This is the first.
Movie Title: Predator
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, that black guy from Rocky, some rad alien, a jungle, this indian dude named Billy that wears a headband
Plot: Basically, there's like this alien or whatever that is killing people. They shoot at him. Arnold says, "If it bleeds, we can kill it." He covers himself in mud. Aliens hate mud. The alien laughs and then explodes.
How I felt about it: I pretty much had a boner for two hours watching this, then, when my wife told me to wash the dishes I told her that I could only see body heat and started climbing around making laser sounds. Then I washed the dishes.
If you want me to review a particular movie just leave the title in the comments. Thanks, friend.
Liston
15 Comments:
Easily the best thing on the internet.
Can you do Un Chien Andalou by Buñuel? Thanks!
Passion of the Christ.
Get to da choppa, NOW!
And the way to solve every military problem: Sweep pattern and double back.
Get to da choppa, NOW!
How to solve every military problem ever: Sweep pattern and double back.
Remember when Castaway came out and everyone raved about how good of an actor Tom Hanks was because, for about an hour or so in the middle of the movie, he didn't really talk? How come Arnold didn't get the same acclaim for that whole part in the middle of Predator when he's preparing to take on the alien? As far as I'm concerned, the acting is just as spectacular. Plus, it involves a killer alien, an area in which Castaway was desperately lacking.
Please review Commando. You would only need to alter like two lines of this review. Just take out "aliens" and replace with "Bennett".
"I aint got time to bleed"
Awesome review of an awesome movie.
Can I vote for you to review Commando next?
Corenthal: Thanks, did you get that picture of my boner that I emailed you?
Rakibuzzaman: Uhh... what?
Jeffrey: You got it. Is that a porno or something?
100: Great comment.
100: Great comment.
Blake: Very astute observation. I would say that I agree with your analysis.
Robust: I like your style.
"Come on! Come get me! Here I am!"
Man Bites Dog. A Love story of our time.
"Hustle and Flow". The trials and tribulations of the earthy, true to life characters will really open your eyes to the plights of talented young black pimps and the unique relationships they have with their hos.
You're list of Predator stars left out "WWF wrestler and future Governor of Minnesota Jesse 'The Body' Ventura". Also, Ventura's whirring, foliage-destroying gun probably deserved a star mention.
blood diamond is such a rip of Predator
Dude, Predator was the one about the journalists who lure child molestors into fake meetups and then embarrasses them on national television. Do some research next time.
Also, I hate you for omitting the second best quote in the movie: "So you cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in duh MEATGRINDA?!!
Ooh ooh, do American Ninja (any of them). I remember watching that shit and running around the house with a brook stick smacking my sister in the face and everything. And what ever happened to Michael Dudikoff? Did he die? If he didn't he needs to be President or Governor or something.
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