Omar can do anything. And I mean ANYTHING. People are always like, Hey, Liston. You need t chill with this Omar Epps stuff and I'm like, "Pfft. Whatever, fag. Omar Epps is a God send and probably a superhero so back off." How can you not think this guy is tough shit? I mean, come on, he's been a:
- rad doctor
- rad baseball player
- rad basketball player
- boss football player
- boss high school DJ
- rad college student track star
- boss best man
- rad FBI agent
- boss vampire fighter
- rad underage cool cop
- boss stabbed in the ear guy
That's incredible. All of that and only in a little more than a decade. I've lived a good portion of my life and you know what I have been? I have been:
- a lame teacher
- a weak construction customer service employee
- bad at everything I try
- totally and completely slightly below average
I'm not gay but I'd go out on a romantic date with Omar Epps if he asked me to. I'd get matching chinese symbols tattoos if he asked me too. I'd wear a fanny pack with his name stitched on the front. I'd learn the words to Endless Love and sing it to him on the one year anniversary of the first time we held hands. I'd go to the park and feed ducks with him. I'd argue with him over whether or not we were going to send out a Christmas card and then make him a cookie in the shape of heart as an apology for overreacting. I'd give him my real email address and not the one I give to people that I know are just going to spam me. I'd get nervous when I saw he was currently on gmail and type and retype the instant message I planned on sending him. I'd carry the picture of the time we went to Disneyland in my wallet until I saw that he didn't carry it so I'd take it out as a passive aggressive retaliation. I let him drink out of my water bottle and not clean it off before I drank out of it. I'd always have candles burning when he visited.
O- to the mother frigg'n- MAR, baby! Get used to it. It's the American dream.
Lis- to the mother frigg'n- ton
p.s. I'm not sure what I meant when I typed, "Get used to it. It's the American dream." Sorry. I was just so geeked it came out.
20 Comments:
How did you react when he got "fired" on that one show, House MDork or something? I was all like "Nuh uh, no you di-int! He made a gut reaction but that's what doctors and Omar Epps's do!"
Sorry Epps should be face raped for Major Leauge 2.
I was in tears, but you're right, that's what Omar Epps does. He's a mother frigg'n soldier! By the way, he's still on the show! They showed him last night. He's at a newer, gayer hospital.
Liston
that was friggin funny buddie
The fact that he busted down a grown woman at the age of like 16 in 'Juice' makes him king of all black actors.
Funny stuff dude. The act of not wiping off a bottle after sharing it is something you do with only the deepest love. It's a beautiful thing.
Omar Epps? More like O-my-God Epps! Nice work.
hot damn liston. i've been waiting all my life for an omar epps expert. i need to know: is mekhi pfeiffer the poor man's version of omar or is it the other way around?
Mehki Pheifer is to Omar Epps what a head cold is to cancer. It's not even close. Someone should write an anti-Mehki post.
Liston
Whatever the difference I'm sure Dr. House could find it.
Right you are, sir. Dr. House is amazing. He's almost as cool as, Oh, I don't know, Omar frigg'n Epps.
Liston
Stay away from my garbage Liston. The restraining order is still in effect.
Omar? Is that really you? ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod...
Liston
Being an avid watcher of ER...I happen to think that Mehki Pheifer is the boss as well. Not nearly as boss as Omar, but still quite bossy.
Who in the world is Omar Epps?
.. like seriously. I have never heard of this guy.
Nice work ex-ing out Meg Ryan.
Jeff: It's nothing but first class photoshop here at Introducing Liston.
Liston
Hey, I'm a member of this here gang and my comment was never published. Don't make me get middle-aged on your ass, Liston. Or is that medieval?
HwxVog Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!
That was by far the gayest thing I've ever read. But the memories will last a life time.
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