The Application for Consideration for Gang Membership

Glad to see that so many people still want to have all the respect. As we previously discussed, when gang members are demanding respect there are things that they do to let people know they are serious. In the first post we discussed the power of the leather vest and how to lean on a wall like a gangster. This week I learned another real gangsterly thing to do. If you do this you will have respect pouring out of your ears. People will give you respect like I give fat people hate. (Which is to say a lot.) This week you will learn how to be so rad in a "caddy" ( that means a car or a coche for my Mexican readers).

One thing all gangsters do is drive cars real tough. It's easy to do and it's so dope. The first thing you have to do is find a car that will impress everyone. Hatchback Hyundai's work the best. They're probably the toughest cars on the road. Hyundai's can go 250 mph and run on a combination of liquified diamonds and rage instead of gas. If you can find one with some sweet decals on the doors that's even more boss. Check out this gangster ride I just bought:



The decals are custom and they get so much respect. They aren't a necessity but they are a big plus. Whenever I'm cruising this g-ride around everyone is always looking at me like I'm all hot or whatever, giving me all the respect. Now that I know how to be so rad in my caddy I get even more respect. I didn't even think that was possible.

If you don't have a car then just steal one. It's easy to steal a car. This is how real street gangsters steal a car: Just go up to someone as they're putting their groceries into their car at a grocery store and say, "Hello, sir. I am not a car thief, I am a knowledgeable mechanic doing free inspections today and today alone. I think I see something wrong with the distibutor plate(?). May I please have your keys so that I may conduct your free inspection?" (Try to look real mechanic-y when you say it.) This works every time, all the time.

After you've purchased/stolen your rad caddy you need to customize it real gangster style. There's only one step involved in making your ride gangster acceptable: lean the mother f'in seat back.


This is unacceptable. Never ever drive your gang caddy like this.
You'll get no respect at all, not even from Mexicans. (and Mexicans
love decals on cars.)


Make sure you do not lean the seat back too far. It could be
dangerous. Keep your arms slightly bent so you are prepared
should you need to make an immediate turn. Be safe, it's the
gangsterly thing to do.

While doing my research for gangs I came across a gang law called "the gangster rule of slightly greater than 90". When people ask you how many times you've punched a punk in the face you answer "slightly greater than 90", when someone asks you how many walls you've leaned on today you respond, "slightly greater than 90" and when someone asks you at what degree do you recline your driver-side seat you respond, "slightly greater than 90". Now you're sounding like a real O.G. (Which, as we all know, stands for "Orange G(c)ounty") Now you're ready to cruise. Put the radio on some cool christian rock station or something else kinda intimidating and just start cruising. Lookin' sweet, my brother.

THE APPLICATION:

This gang is starting to grow already and now is your opportunity to become an official member. I hung out with the gang members by my house and got some real valuable intel. As everyone knows, to join a gang you have to fill out an application and be accepted. I asked the gang members by my house and they gave me one. So here it is. Make sure that you click on it to enlarge and enjoy the official gangliness of it. By all accounts, this is legit.

Part 1:

Part 2:

If you can figure it out, then download this and email it to me. If you can't figure it out then you're a terd because everyone gangster should know how to download. The postal service is for gays and non gang members.

Later, my gangsters.

UPDATE: The Gang Applications have started to come in. The funny ones go here. While the shitty ones go here.