The Greatest NBA Player Of The Last Decade: An Unbiased Statistical Analysis

Who is the best basketball player of the last decade? It is straight to the point question with an almost impossible answer. Not anymore.

THE INSPIRATION:

One of the great things about sports is all of the really intelligent arguments that take place in sports bars across America. I recently participated in one such "bar-gument" over who was the greatest basketball player over the last 10 years. There were three post graduate statistics majors and myself. Each of us was arguing a case for one of four players; Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Tim Duncan, and Ralph Macchio (a.k.a. The Karate Kid. I know it's ridiculous but Phil the statistician swears he played Ralph Macchio in a 1 on 1 game in 1991 and was crushed by him 10-1. He has been talking about this game for 16 years so we had to include him.)

The difficult thing about these discussions is the lack of a consistent and quantifiable measuring stick that may be applied equally, regardless of age, position, and individual strengths. It was this argument that launched a painstakingly long and arduosly researched thesis over this topic. To my knowledge, what follows is the most scientifically responsible and statistically unbiased comparison of the games premier players. The end-all-be-all is the spreadsheet that I have created that justifiably quantifies the most important aspects of the game like never before and gives a score determing this decades greatest player. This will be referred to as the "Greatest Chart".

THE DATA:

While conducting my research there were several things I came across that were extremely compelling but was unable to apply them to the "Greatest Chart". I have included that data in the form of line and bar graphs as a bit of supplemental information.

This first one is very interesting but not very important... unless you'd like getting burned to death from a rapidly increasing Global temperature:


As you can see, there is a strong correlation between Lebron James' average field goal percentage and the Earth's average global temperature. As Lebron's shooting percentage rises so does Earth's temperature and vice versa. Al Gore was onto something with global warming, except it appears that air pollution and overpopulation aren't responsible for the rising temperature, it's Lebron. If he ever shoots 60% from the field we may all shrivel up and die. You don't want that, do you?

This is another very compelling chart showing the relationship between Kobe Bryant's average points per game and America's unemployment rate. I think the data speaks for itself:



The correlation here is astounding. It's so strongly related that it's like it was completely made up. Weird. All I know is, if you guys don't want to lose your jobs I suggest we start playing a little tighter defense on Mr. Bryant. He is single-handedly destroying the American economy.

One final graph before the "Greatest Chart". This is a graph showing the amount of domestic abuse calls fielded by the San Antonio Police Dept over the course of the the summer months from 1998-2007. You'll notice there are drastic drop-offs in the years 1999, 2003, 2005, and 2007. Coincidentally, those are all the same years Tim Duncan and the San Antonio Spurs won the NBA title! I think this is too amazing to ignore.

Now, obviously none of this plays a part in determing who is the better basketball player but it would have been morally irresponsible of me not to share this information with all of you. Before we move on to the "Greatest Chart" lets recap:

1. Lebron James is responsible for the deadly Global Warming fiasco.

2. Kobe Bryant is trying to get you fired so you can't feed your kids.

3. Tim Duncan eliminates domestic abuse like he was a crisis-specific superhero or something.

THE "GREATEST CHART"

So here it is. The fruit of months and months of research. Read it slowly and take it all in as it is the single most powerful judging tool the sports world has ever seen. The "Greatest Chart" is relatively simple. There are 8 categories each player is judged on and each category is given a numerical value. The player at the end of the survey with the most points is the best and the lowest is the worst (relatively speaking).




(I didn't remove points for being called "uncoachable" by Phil Jackson because it's not really science, it's just his own opinion.)

THE CONCLUSION:

There is a clear winner here my friends, and I have to say that I'm not really that suprised. Here are the scores tallied:

1st: Tim Duncan: 510 points. The greatest player of the last decade, easily.

2nd: Lebron James: 30 points. I was suprised by this. I thought Kobe would be second. Science says it's Lebron though. (note* If I had all the money Lebron does I think I would hire a someone to bite my fingernails for me, wouldn't you?)

3rd: Ralph Macchio: 20 points. Loses points for crying after the evil Kobrai Kai dojo took out his knee but he still finishes third. I guess Phil was right about him. Crazy.

4th: Kobe Bryant: -1,030 points. What can you say? The evidence does the talking for me.

There you have it, folks. The debate has soundly been decided. I think we can all agree that this study was conducted fairly and responsibly. Scientific research has chosen a clear winner and we should all respect that and not question anything about this study.